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Connect: A marriage retreat for photographers.

A few years ago, Kia and I had the privilege to participate in the ONE Conference hosted by Jeff and Julia Woods. It happened to be the last of these conferences (I’m sure our presentation had NOTHING to do with it <gulp>).

While at Imaging USA, I learned that this torch has been picked up by Zach and Jody Gray.

Connect Marriage Conference sponsored by Zach and Jody Gray

While I don’t know much about the conference, I think it’s a great concept. I can’t be there, but if you can I encourage you to check it out.

You can read all the details on the Connect website, but here is some general info -

Speakers Include:

Dates:

  • April 29 – May 2.

Location:

  • Rome, Georgia.

Cost:

Not cheap, but includes everything for these 3 days (I’ll let you satisfy your own curiosity).

FYI – I get nothing for this post. I won’t even be at the conference, however,  I do absolutely believe in the purpose of the conference – bringing married photography partners closer together. Take a moment…check it out!

It’s okay. You’re not alone. (revisited)

One year ago…

Last year, I wrote a post with the same title. It came after a road trip Kia and I took with our family. On the way to and from visiting my dad in Florida (from KC), we visited photographers from all over.

As we talked with these people the common thread we heard was CHANGE. Most everyone (photographer and non-photographer) was walking through some sort of change. Big and small. Massively consequential and of minor consequence. Everyone was experiencing change.

We weren’t alone.

Fast Forward 12 months.

Last month, Kia and I took another trip – this time to attend and speak at Imaging USA in Atlanta, Georgia. We had a great time! We spoke at a pre-conference class to over 40 photographers about the senior portrait world. We spent time with old friends. We made a ton of new friends. It was a blast!

The Atlanta skyline during Imaging USA 2013

For me, the best things we were able to do was listen. We listened to stories – your stories. We heard your fears and failures. We heard your excitement and triumphs. We heard where you are, where you’ve been and where you are going.

There again seems to be a common theme running through our lives. I have a hard time putting it into words, so the best way I can phrase it is with this word:

SQUEEZE

Dreams, hopes, fears, goals, plans, lives, businesses, families – these are all being squeezed. And let me tell you, it hurts. It’s painful. It’s not fun.

I’ll also tell you it’s okay. Truly, it will be alright. Here are 3 reasons why the squeeze you feel is okay.

1. Squeeze refines us.

The squeeze or crush you are experiencing will make you better.

It will make you better at your art. It will make you better in your relationships. It will make you better in your business. No matter where you end up, you will be better when the squeeze lets up.

2. Squeeze changes us.

When we are squeezed we can’t help but be changed. Hopefully the change will be for the better (refining) and not for the worse. No matter which way you go, squeeze will change you, and the reason we are being squeezed is because we absolutely need it.

3. You’re not alone.

People just like you, all over the country are experiencing the same thing as you. The best part of this squeeze is the result of the pain you feel. Hope.

It’s what I heard talking to those coming to the end of this tunnel. They see hope, joy and beauty. Oddly enough, it’s not a picture they even could dream of just months before.

Keep pushing. A breakthrough is near.

One of my favorite books and authors from the past couple of years is Do the Work by Steven Pressfield. I’ve quoted it here often. Pressfield challenges, encourages and dares us to push through the resistance we feel in our art.

The same can be said for what we experience in life. Keep pushing, your breakthrough is so close.

I promise.

You’re not alone.

2012 Word of the Year Finale – RISK.

A little background on me.

For sake of context, it’s important for you to know a little more about me. Immediately out of college, I worked at a church helping reach children in their neighborhood in urban core of Kansas City, Missouri. During these two years, Kia and I lived and worked in this neighborhood, and we came into contact with hundreds of kids. However, it was about 25 or so regulars that I formed a really strong bond with.

Andy Bondurant circa 1997

Andy circa 1997

Over the years, I’ve continued to keep in contact with a handful of these kids (Facebook has really helped). However, most of the children from 15+ years ago, I have no idea where they are, what they are up to or if they are even still alive.

Introducing Trey.

The Friday before Christmas, I was back in the neighborhood. I was there to work to distribute food to the needy. This church connects with various organizations helping hundreds of people in the Kansas City, Missouri area. I led a group of people helping put together these Baskets of Love.

While unloading a truck of food, I was shocked to see one of my regulars – Trey.

Amazingly, Trey, other than a foot or two of growth and tattoos up and down his arms & neck, looked like the same person he was at 9 years old. Looks can be deceiving though. Trey was no longer a child (of course at 24, I didn’t expect it), but Trey had stopped being a child years before.

Trey and I spent the next hour or so reconnecting. He told me his story.

Trey - friend of Andy Bondurant

Trey and his brother in silly hats (Trey is on the right).

For the past several months, Trey has lived a clean life, but the years before it was shootings, drugs, robberies, jail and prison. Trey has already spent a fourth of his life in jail. It’s not what he, his family or I envisioned for his life.

A sobering encounter.

Walking away from the conversation, I was struck by a two thoughts.

1. I reap what I sow.

It’s a law of life which seems so simple. It’s so simple we lose how profound it really is.

You reap what you sow.

Trey has been living a clean life for almost a year, but his past sticks with him. He can’t find a good job. He wants to marry his girlfriend who is pregnant with his child, but he doesn’t have the money. He doesn’t have a complete education. His friends dropped him when he went to prison. The list goes on and on.

With someone like Trey, the law of sowing and reaping seems obvious. In our lives, we miss it if we don’t look carefully.

In 2011, I learned to live intentionally (in order have FREEDOM). The law of sowing and reaping is all about living intentionally. What I do today effects my life tomorrow. There is no way around this.

2. RISK is not glamorous.

My 2012 Word of the Year was RISK. Last year, Kia and I made a lot of decisions that are scary. I learned there isn’t much glamour in these scary, risky, but right decisions.

Trey made decisions that were stupid (he admits this plainly). In one instance, he got mad at someone, and fired a gun into a house. Thankfully, no one was hurt. It was RISK, and it was exciting. It was something you expect to see in a movie, but it wasn’t the kind of RISK that changes a life for the better.

A RISK that improves your life doesn’t get books written or movies made. In fact, people around you – the ones closest to you – may question your integrity or sanity or character. There is no glamour in that.

In the end, you and you alone must decide if a decision is right. Again…no glamour in that.

2013. A new year. A new word.

2012, and my Word of the Year in 2012 – RISK – is done. But if I’ve learned anything about my experience with FREEDOM in 2011, I’m hardly done taking RISKs.

Now that it’s 2013, I’ve chosen a new Word of the Year – TRANSFORM. I hope you’ll choose a word for 2013 too. I promise, it will change your life.

How I went “Back to the Future”

Ummm…it’s been a while.

It has been exactly 31 days since my last post. One month. In blog time, it’s like a million years.

Let me share what is happening in my world.

Back to the Future

I’m moving into the future, looking back at my past.

back to the future movie poster

Growing up, one of my favorite movies was Back to the Future starring Michael J Fox. I’m sure you’ve seen it, but it’s the story of a teen who time travels to the past, meets the teenage versions of his mother and father, saves their relationship, and fights to return unharmed to the future.

On September 24th, I started a new job. Not exactly new – I stepped back into the past. And not a job exactly…

I became the children’s pastor at my home church – Cross Points Church in Shawnee, Kansas. For those of you who have not read The Collective’s About Page, I was a full-time Christian minister for 10 years. I left that “world” to work with my wife, Kia Bondurant, and her family in the photography industry.

This is not what I was planning, thinking or heading.

Why the change?

So…why? I’ve been thinking about this question for a while, and I’ve come up with 4 answers.

These are the 4 reasons I made a HUGE change in my life, but they are also reasons why you might make changes (big or small) in your life.

1. I was open to change.

Most people believe in the concept of change. Here’s the catch…change means DOING something different. Most people don’t like that part of change.

After joining my wife’s family business 8 years ago, I worked directly with them for 6 of those years. 18 months ago I started The Collective. From the beginning, I knew The Collective had to become either a viable business or a hobby (sound familiar?).

Fast forward 1 year. The Collective was a big success in some ways (more and more people were finding and reading, sponsors and advertisers were interested, people were finding value in the content), but it was apparent it wasn’t going to pay the bills on it’s own. Beginning in late Spring of 2012, I began to wonder what was next.

I really had no plan, and I was open to listen.

The true question was this -

 Will I do anything different?

2. I waited.

Waiting sucks. It’s doing nothing, with nothing really to do.

You do what you’ve done, but you know it’s not what you really are going to do. It’s a place of being temporarily temporary.

Kia is an activator. She has an idea, and her first impulse is to act. That’s not my nature, but sitting and doing nothing is not my default either.

During this process, I learned waiting builds character.

3. I was asked.

I don’t know Dane Sanders well, but I had an interesting conversation with him at After Dark KC about this “Why” question. He summed it up well for me.

It’s nice to be wanted.

In my words, it feels good to be pursued.

It’s why people get married. Pursuit is why something lost is found. It’s why people change from what looks like a good (if not great) job to a different one. In the movies (and hopefully real life), it’s why bad guys get caught.

Happening almost concurrently with my journey, my good friend David Jones waited to hear if he would become the next Senior Pastor at Cross Points. Within a few weeks he talked with me about joining his staff.

It was surprising (read below for more), but it was also flattering.

David had spent a lot of time with me in the previous months (while he waited), so he knew me. He knew what made me tick. He wanted me. I’ll be honest, it felt good.

I was pursued.

4. I laid down my pre-conceived ideas.

When David was hired, I blindly told him I was willing to help him in any way he needed. I write blindly, because in my mind it meant helping re-design a website, teach a class or help in some leadership position. My pre-conception did not include coming on staff, doing the exact thing I quit doing almost 10 years earlier.

In late summer he asked me to join his staff as the new/old children’s pastor of the church. To be honest, my first answer wasn’t Yes. It was much closer to No.

I was open to change, but the doing part was holding me back.

As Kia and I talked and prayed about his offer, I came to the conclusion that I needed to drop the ideas, thoughts and plans I had for my life. I needed to take this offer serious. I needed to see how this fit into my life.

With this frame of mind, the offer from David from a probable no to an obvious a yes for me. After more thought and prayer, it became a definite yes.

What’s next?

You just spent several minutes reading about me, but you might be wondering how this fits in with The Collective. Will this be updated?

My honest answer is I don’t know.

I do know this, I love to write. I truly enjoyed sitting at my computer and creating this post. I loved putting my thoughts on-screen, and working to make them understandable and usable.

I also know my time is valuable. Everyone wants some. My God. My wife. My kids. My church. My job. My friends. My Twitter feed (sorry about that too). My website. I can’t give it to everyone. I must be intentional about who I give it to, and when I give it to them.

I’m figuring it out.

There is no such thing as work/life balance.

Is work/life balance possible?

Is there any such thing as work/life balance

Image courtesy of Flickr user fisserman

Alain de Botton is an author. He wrote the book Religion for Atheists. I’ve never read it, but the premise sounds interesting. Honestly, I had never heard of de Botton until recently. I have Twitter to thank for the introduction.

Someone retweeted a Tara Gentile retweet of de Botton. Follow that? If you are on Twitter, you did.

Here is the Tweet -

[tweet https://twitter.com/alaindebotton/status/218657112744656896]

Not so fast!

If there is something worth fighting for, it’s work/life balance. If I save the world yet manage to lose my kids, how have I won? I haven’t. I lose.

Are there seasons in life when work or life will have more of my attention? Yes.

Do I want to simply live in a comfort zone? No.

Our life is a whole.

Life doesn’t separate business, life, art into their own little compartments. We do. Everything is jumbled together. One affects the other. You can try to separate them, but I guarantee you in the long run this viewpoint loses.

Fight for your family. Fight for your business. Fight for your art. Fight for your life.

In our world, fighting for balance is stepping out of the “comfort zone”.


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